Father Pat's Place : : : Sacrament of Marriage

Sacrament of Marriage

Leah and Patrick have been engaged only three weeks. They won't be married for another fifteen months. Still, they are very concerned about doing things the right way. They made an appointment to meet with Father Pat and the process of Marriage Preparation began.

The Church says that a couple contemplating Marriage in the Catholic Church must contact the priest at least six months before their planned Wedding Day. That gives us plenty of time to take care in laying the foundation of a Marriage that will last as long as they do.

According to statistics, couples who marry in the Church and who go to Church on Sundays have about a 55 times better chance of a successful marriage. If they pray with each other each day, a 1005 times better chance. If they use Natural Family Planning the divorce rate is very near zero. Couples who live together before marriage run a much greater risk of divorce. A couple who lives together for seven years before marriage have about a 95% chance of divorce within five years.

The Church does marriage preparation not because it wants people to jump through hoops. Very simply, it works! If, during preparation, a couple is willing to make adjustments and move up a level or two, their chances of a successful marriage will be dramatically better. That's what we hope for Patrick and Leah and for all couples contemplating marriage these days.

We begin by discussing the background of the couple and their hopes and some of their fears as well. We fill out initial paper work. Marriage in the Catholic Church differs from a civil marriage.

Couples need to be free to marry and to intend to live up to the obligations it entails. They must be open to having children. They promise to be faithful for life. The Church has a very clear definition of the qualities necessary for Marriage to be a Sacrament. It's our obligation to make sure they're all there.

Communication is very important. Couples married fifty or more years will tell us that communication is one of the most important skills. We spend time talking about the future, about the past, about hopes and dreams, finances, faith, sexuality, interests, children, parents and much more. Patrick is spending some time considering the questions on the FOCCUS Inventory, a tool that will help them, their preparation couple and their priest gain a realistic view of their relationship. Discussions will help them understand the joys and challenges ahead. The goal is to fend off problems before they happen, to make adjustments where necessary, and to connect the couple even more closely with God, the Church and the many resources available to them. If there are problems, they will learn about Retrouvaille, and other great ways to help.

During this stage the couple and those involved in preparation evaluate together the couple's readiness for marriage and any special considerations that might present challenges. Further help or attention might be recommended. From here a decision can be made to go ahead with the Wedding. Or, the couple might be presented with a plan to help them surmount any challenges they might have.

the second meeting with Father Pat a year later

Patrick and Leah will attend a Deanery Marriage Preparation Weekend as well. They'll meet happily married couples who will be willing to share their joys and challenges freely with them. They'll gain some new ideas and insights, and hopefully make some friends ... among other couples preparing for marriage and with the presenting couples as well. Preparation programs may differ a bit from Diocese to Diocese, but are very similar these days.

The Church's view on sexuality will be presented. The couple will come to understand the life and other moral issues that come with artificial contraception. They'll be presented with an awesome and helpful alternative in Natural Family Planning. They'll learn that doing things the right way is not always the easiest, but that it leads to the most happiness and fulfillment in the long run. They'll learn how to pray together as a couple. The Church will share with them all the treasures it has. We hope they'll see the Church as their second home and raise their children that way as well.

Here's the happy couple on their Wedding day. And what a glorious day it was. The first Marriage in our parishes this year and a great way to start!

Let's pray for Patrick and Leah and for all couples preparing for marriage these days. It's tempting to buy into the values of society. Living together presents some financial savings, but it's not good if a couple wants to stay married for life. Buying lots of things seems attractive, but it's not a good idea if it takes time away from one another and from the children that are not yet born.

"I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health." "I will love you and honor you, all the days of my life!" That's a promise God has already made for us. It's one that Patrick and Leah will work to live out every day of their lives. May God bless them with the courage, faith and commitment to do just that!

If you're contemplating Marriage, why not contact your priest right now. It's a great time to build a future that includes the God who knew us before we were formed in our mother's womb. May God bless you and those you love, and keep you safe!