I want to change ... but I cant.

... but I can become willing to let go

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ur weaknesses ... troublesome, aren't they?  We are often much more aware of our weaknesses than we are our strengths.  They get us into trouble.  It's not easy for us to admit to others that we have them and can be even more difficult to seek help.  We can become frustrated by our inability to make changes.  We can do the same thing over and over again with bad results, but continue to do it anyway, somehow expecting different results.  We can be tempted to blame others for our bad behavior and even try to convince ourselves that we wouldn't have these weaknesses if it weren't for the troublesome people and situations we find in our lives.  Others, of course, are very aware of where our weaknesses lie, despite our attempts to deflect attention from ourselves and blame others.

 

hen we do make an effort to change, the change can be very short-lived.  The more often we try to change the more frustrated we can become.  We can feel out of control.  We can feel profound disappointment in ourselves.  We can become ashamed.  We may use excuses like, "I guess I'm just that way," or "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  Nothing could be farther from the truth.

 

e've made an effort to change and have tried all the ways we could think of.  Many of us have tried prayer.  We've been puzzled when we've persisted in behavior we didn't want anything to do with.  We've been to the Sacrament of Reconciliation as well.  We've been alarmed at how short-lived our reform has been.  Many of us have tried to keep our weakness private.  "God and I can handle it very well, thank you very much!"  We've tried to change over and over again.

 

any times we try too hard to solve our own problems, to figure out how we're going to rid ourselves of the weaknesses that reveal our defects of character. When we're unable to make a change in our lives, that doesn't mean change is impossible.  Chances are that we don't have the power to do it all by ourselves.  Many of us have tried numerous times and failed as many times as we've tried.  We've promised and bargained and made vows.  We've decided that we could work privately with God and make the change without sharing our weakness with anybody else.  We may have prayed fervently and tried very hard to change.  It is easy for us to become disillusioned and feel that prayer and even God are failures. 

 

any of us have tried to set a time by which the change would be accomplished.  We've clenched our jaws as we've estimated how much work and pain making the change would cost.  We've imagined what we would feel like if the change were made.  Even after repeated attempts, nothing has worked.  So, what can we do?  It's very simple really.  We need first to become willing to let go of this particular defect of character. 

 

hen we're troubled by a particular problem we can pray, "God, help me become willing to let go!"  If we know what the defect of character is, we need to be very specific, "God, I know that my cursing and swearing isn't doing me any good.  In fact it's a terrible example to my children and tells others something about my faith that isn't true.  Help me become willing to let go of it."  "God, I know that I drink too much.  I don't want the trouble my drinking causes.  Help me become willing to let go of it."  That's it!  We needn't  include time lines, techniques, promises, vows, or anything else.   We can just pray for *willingness* to let go *sometime,* maybe a bazillion years from now. The less specific we are, the better.

 

ther times we may be faced with a feeling of things not being right we might not know specifically what is causing our problems.  We can be less specific then.  "God, let me become willing to let go of anything that causes me to feel lonely."  We needn't think or figure too much.  Left to our own devices we'd be likely to pray that the wrong stuff be removed.  God knows what it is.  God can remove t.  We can simply admit to the possibility, however remote, that the change could be happen sometime, and that we'd like to become willing to let go of whatever it is that is causing us discomfort..  We needn't think of the work it could take or the process we'd have to go through.  We can come to understand that God is even more interested than we are in us become the best we can be.

 

fter we've prayed for this willingness to let go for awhile (don't decide how long that will be) the defect can simply go away, seemingly without any work on our part. It's can be so effortless that we can almost take credit for doing it ourselves.  Sometimes God has to wait until we're not looking ... so he can sneak it away from us.  God can do for us what we could never do for ourselves!

 

ometimes we need help from others.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation can be quite helpful in the process.  We can admit our difficulty out loud and receive the graces we'll need to change.  But then we need to accept the help that is available.  God is intimately present in that help.  When we're addicted to alcohol, nicotine or drugs, sometimes we'll need some medical support as the substance leaves our system.  God needs the leeway to work without restriction,  in any way at all.  We can limit God by refusing to share our defects of character with others.  Keeping our difficulties to ourselves and trying to handle them alone is not necessarily a strength.  It's more often our weakness.

 

e can become willing to seek the help of others, and through them find the help of God.  When we are open to the help others can offer we can open a whole new avenue for God to use.  It's a most powerful one.  It has saved the lives of many of us.  When we do share our need, the issue has only about half as much control over us as it did before.  We can seek others who have been through the same pain as we.  There are groups of folks recovering from addiction to alcohol, gambling, food, drugs, sex and more.  There are those who have stopped using foul language or learned to solve their problems without shouting or violence.  We can benefit from  their experience, strength and hope.  We can gain hope as we hear how their lives have changed.  We can try the things that worked for them. 

 

o ... we can pray for the willingness to let go.  We can turn our head for at least an instant so God has a chance to almost sneak our difficulty away from us.  We can allow God to do for us what we could never do for ourselves.  The change can be effortless.  When it happens, we can be tempted to take credit for it ourselves.  We might not even notice it's gone, until someone else does.  Now, all we need to do is become willing.  So, let's start ...

nd when the change has occurred, we can give God the credit.  We can reach out to help others having the same problem.  God can to continue to work, and even use us to touch the life of others in ways that would not otherwise be possible.  That's what evangelization is all about. 

 

e can live into the future freed from whatever has held us back.  We'll come to understand that prayer and Church have been and will be valuable and indeed indispensable.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation will be vital and crucial.  Our faith has not been a failure.  We've failed only in our unwillingness to allow others to help and our belief that we could do something ourselves that can only be done by God.  Prayer will remain helpful.  Our faith will mean even more to us when we realize that living our faith means sharing ourselves deeply with others.  "God and I" doesn't seem to work as well as "God and us!"

 

f we forget and take back our defect we can seek forgiveness and start over.  We can become willing once more.  This time our change can be long lived, as long as we remain willing.  Having given God the power to work through others has allowed God to give us the help we've needed.  We can walk proudly knowing a freedom we never believed we'd know.

 

ll the best in your endeavor to change.  May you allow God to work in you any way at all.  May you become a free person.  May you invite many to the new freedom you'll enjoy!

All the best and God bless,

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